I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
