Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
