My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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