i just wanna soil my oats bro
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
