Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
