it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
