finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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