i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
