I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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