I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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