I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
