I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize