Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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