When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
