I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
