I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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