You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
