The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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