Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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