Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
