you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
