I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
