some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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