By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's official drugs can't kill me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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