Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im part way to drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
