Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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