I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize