Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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