He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
