Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
