weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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