maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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