The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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