This is not my ceiling
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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