My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
