ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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