I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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