thus making me awesome and them whores
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
