ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
