we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
