we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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