omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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