So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
