Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
