I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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