even my farts smell like vagina
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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