I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
