whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
