Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
