You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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