hotel room ftw
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
