We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
