singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
