it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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