Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
