I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
