i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
