We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Green mimosas i think yes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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