I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
