a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
