Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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