I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
