Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize