MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I AM VODKA MAN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
