And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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