dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
