Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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