someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
