if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
